Life has been okay lately. Not great but not unbearable either. Time flows and I gain consciousness at night, when I finally slip into bed and realized another day has passed and nothing has changed. Then I wake up and it goes all over again. I don’t really mind to be fair because it is not painful. I try to do my best most days and that is just working a few hours in the morning because even if I don’t earn much, I still need the money. Then I try to eat well enough. I’ve been falling backwards a little with this lately. My meals are less rounded, more expedited. I don’t feel like cooking and just eat tones of chocolate on the side. It’s okay though. My goal is not to lose weight or to be perfect, it is to learn to live when I don’t even feel like it. So if I need chocolate as moral support, I’d rather be a little out of shape than dead.
In a way, knowing that time is flying actually tranquilizes me. It feels like I’ll have less time to spend in Hell in general, like the thought of having another 30+ years to live is sometime just too much. And it also means that my time in Italy is coming to an end. I still have a lot to do but I’m not too worried yet.